Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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