the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How's work?
Spinning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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