Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
