I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
