Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm experimenting with sincerity
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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