Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
