i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
