Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
