do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
