C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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