my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
