You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
