3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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