Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
