Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
