Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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