Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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