Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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