For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
