I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize