I should be sponsored by Trojan
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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