Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't deserve a penis
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
