I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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