my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
