the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
