ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
