Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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