gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i will never coherently bang her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
