Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
