I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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