I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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