oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
