What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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