Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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