I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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