if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
