I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
