I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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