FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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