you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
