The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
