I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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