Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
