she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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