He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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