I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
