her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
