I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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