And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
