I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
