Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
