dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
