The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
