Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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