you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
