My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
