Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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