Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
