Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
