U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
