i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
