so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
