Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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