Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize