I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
