Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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