If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize