How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
