Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
