She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
